Raven Crimson

Anonymous asked:

I need help. I'm a young D type, and when I see posts about how older men do things better, it puts me off. I don't totally disagree, I know many stupid guys my age. I was told the D/s community is a loving place, but it seems young men are fair game to straight up say "you suck. here's a group that is always better than you". I feel no other group is talked about that way. I worry if I went to a community event everyone would be thinking "don't give him a chance" or " just date an older man"

instructor144 answered:

Followers?

cherishedproperty

Let me tell you a fact, anon. As a woman on Fetlife, there is zero correlation between the disgusting messages I get from men and the age of the men sending them. Zero. Older men are often just as gross, self-centered, and sex-focused as the 20-year-olds who message me. But I’m not as nice to the older men, because they should fucking know better.

And yet, I have dated a number of older men. In a person willing to put forth the effort, age does tend to give some perspective. Older men are often more self-aware about what they need/like and why. Older men know the value of sharing their feelings openly and honestly. Older men often have experience putting others’ needs before their own, either through parenting or work. Older men have had long-term relationships (loooooooong-term) and know what it takes to make them work (and why they fail). Older men have done the kink-based dynamic and found it lacking, and have begun to look for and understand full-spectrum dynamics.

It has nothing to do with older men having the best sex moves. It is exceptionally rare to find a man in his 20’s (or even 30’s) who approaches the lifestyle the way I do. As someone who is bisexual, I’ll tell you it’s hard to find a Dominant woman under 40 who gets it either. And as a submissive, how am I supposed to give myself to a person who doesn’t get it?

So anon, if it upsets you to be treated like a know-nothing kid, then put in the work to level up. Get to know yourself. Get to know how your heart works and why. Get good at sharing that and listening when others do. Work to understand your role in the failure of your past relationships. Change yourself. Work your ass off to make sure your life is in the right shape that you can take responsibility for another person when they come along. Take classes so you can learn how to safely top someone. Talk to older people in the community about how they built long-term, sustainable dynamics. Learn from them. Then when you see that stuff about how older men are better, you can be smug as fuck knowing you are the exception to the rule.

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

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